Road Trip
by musicalfruitninja
Summary: Bill and Laura drive across the continent to get to their cabin in the mountains. AU. A little silly.
1. Chapter 1

"The GPS says it'll be at least a week before we get to the cabin."

"Laura we're not trusting those frakking machines."

"But Bill, they're hardly Cylons; it's just a—"

"We don't need it."

"Fine."

Laura sighs as Bill slams down the trunk of the van and gets into the driver's seat. Honestly, as much traveling as they do, their lives would be so much easier if he'd just trust this one piece of technology.

"So, which way Mister I-Don't-Need-Technology?"

"I know the way, Laura."

"Right."

"You doubt me?"

He gives her that crooked, playful smile of his as he starts the engine. She can't help but return it, shaking her head.

"Of course not. Lead the way."

"Yes Ma'am."

She giggles, settling back in her seat as they pull out of the parking lot of their cozy apartment complex and into daytime traffic.

"Wow, it's bad," Laura remarks, leaning forward in her seat to try to see ahead. "Good thing I brought these." She reaches into the traveling bag by her feet and pulls out two carefully wrapped joints.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Bill challenges her smirk with a quirk of his eyebrows.

"Oh, it's nothing; you know how I feel about driving under the influence. It's perfectly safe, I promise."

As if to demonstrate, she retrieves a lighter from her bag and lights one of the joints, rolling down the window before taking a puff and letting it out in a billow of smoke. Bill smiles.

"All right."

Laura sticks the joint in between his lips and lights it for him. She sighs, holding her smoke elegantly between her fingertips as she stares out the window.

"How long do you think before we're out of here?"

"Not long. Should clear up once we turn off the main street."

Laura hums her acknowledgment and takes another puff of her joint. Despite the late autumn chill, the sky is fairly clear and she can relax into the warmth of the sun. Closing her eyes, she slowly releases the smoke she'd been holding in her lungs as she props her elbow on the windowsill and rests her head on her hand. Getting in and out of cities is always a pain, but the countryside ahead of them always makes up for it. But until then. . .

She takes in another lung-full of smoke, blowing it out into the already-polluted city air. She's definitely going to need the joint.


	2. Chapter 2

"You wanna go to that coffee shop for breakfast? The one with the pastries you like?"

"Orange Blossom?"

"Yeah."

"Yes! Do you wanna eat there or in the car? We've only been driving for half an hour. . ."

"We can eat there if you want. The pastries are gonna get messy, anyways."

"Okay."

Bill had finally got them out of traffic and onto the narrower roads lined with older shops and apartments that differ from the rest of the modernized town. By now they've both finished their joints, feeling good (but not too good) and ready for a bite to eat.

When they pull into the public parking lot nearest to Orange Blossom, Bill gets out of the car and walks around to meet Laura. . . to find her still in the car. He opens the door.

"Laura come on, what are you doing?"

"We need money, don't we?"

She's fishing around in her purse now, but Bill could have sworn he saw her touching up her makeup. He rolls his eyes.

"Just come on. I'm hungry."

"Obviously.

She raises an eyebrow and smirks as she hops out of the car. He shoots her a glare as he shuts the door for her and she laughs, and he smiles at her while her back is turned to him.

"Come on, it's just down the street. Did you lock the car?"

"Yes, Laura." He surprises her as he appears beside her suddenly and wraps an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I locked the car."

She hums and leans into him as they walk along the short, windy stretch of concrete sidewalk with antique shops on one side of them and a line of parked cars on the other. The coffee/pastry shop in question doesn't stand out from the rest of the buildings except that it is alone on the corner. Bill opens the old wooden door, white paint chipped and peeling, and lets Laura go in first.

"Hi, welcome to Orange Blossom — Oh my god, Laura! It's so good to see you!"

The large, bald man behind the counter greets them with a toothy smile. Laura all but bounces over to the counter. This rustic café, with its polished wooden tables and iron chairs, an array of small fans and decorative bicycles, and the smell of coffee in the air must be Laura's favorite place in the whole city. Personally he thinks most of the appeal for her lays with the cheery barista. He'd confronted Laura about it before, but she'd laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Apparently the man is very obviously gay.

"Good morning, Jerry!" she says. Bill comes up behind her and scans the menu written in chalk on the long blackboard behind the espresso machine. Jerry politely nods in his direction and then quickly looks away. He does this every time Bill comes here; he thinks he must be intimidating or something. Which is odd, because the man is quite large and intimidating himself, until he smiles.

"I'll go ahead and make you the usual while you decide on what to eat." Jerry winks at them. When he leaves, Laura giggles.

"Isn't it adorable?"

"What?"

"Oh, don't tell me you don't see it."

"No."

"Bill! He has the biggest crush on you!"

"What?"

Laura shakes her head, trying to stifle her laughter but failing. Bill is. . . speechless. A little shaken, if he's being honest. And it must show, because Laura's laughter only intensifies.

"So, have we decided?"

Jerry returns with their coffee and a smile.

"I think I'll have the raspberry scone. What about you, Bill?"

"I uh. . . what she said."

"He doesn't want a raspberry scone. Give him a coconut coffee cake."

"Yes ma'am!" Jerry says, eagerly retrieving the premade pastries, warming them up, and then sliding them onto a plate. "Enjoy!"

"Thank you!"

"You only wanted me to get this so you could taste it," Bill says as they sit at a small table by the window.

"Um, you're also allergic to raspberry?"

"Oh. Right."

"If you're like this when someone hits on you I'd hate to see how you'd respond if you were around when people hit on me."

"Who hits on you?"

"Oh, uh. . ." Laura takes a bite of her scone. "No one." She sips her coffee. "But I do want a bite of that." Without asking she reaches over and takes a bite of his cake, smiling sweetly. Too sweetly.

Bill shoots her a look that says both _I'm watching you_ and also _I'm kidding and I think you're cute._

She giggles and cast her eyes down at her food, her blush forcing him to break out into a wide grin as he digs into his breakfast.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Bill?"

"Yeah?"

"I've gotta pee."

". . . do you see where we are?"

"That doesn't change the fact that _I have to pee._ "

"Do you want me to pull over and let you squat behind a bush?"

"Ew, Bill! No!"

"Then what do you want me to do? The next city is still an hour away. You'll have to hold it."

"Bill I really have to pee."

"You know your options."

"Bill!"

He ignores her. Laura sighs, crossing and uncrossing her legs and crossing her arms as she stares out the window at the drab scenery of grass, frail bushes, the occasional shack, and a line of thin, straggly trees. And it smells like a swamp. The minutes drag on, and they keep hitting those unavoidable bumps in the country road that make her _cringe_ because her bladder is so full it hurts.

"Let me out of the frakking car."

"What?"

"LET ME OUT OF THE CAR, BILL."

Bill pulls over, laughing at her cruelly, and before the car has even come to a complete stop she's out the door and running off towards the trees. This is not appropriate. This is _disgusting_ and _awkward_ and so _very_ _inappropriate_ but she is left with no other choice.

When she gets back in the car she's nearly able to silence Bill's laughter with the fiercest over-the-glasses glare she can muster.

"We will never speak of this."

"Okay." He's still laughing as he starts the car.

"Bill. Never."

"I understand."

"I don't think you do."

Laura snatches the bag of whatever he's been munching on for the past couple hours and holds it hostage.

"Gummy bears, Bill? Really?"

"GIVE THEM BACK YOU WITCH."

"Swear you'll never tell a soul."

"Laura—"

"You better motherfrakking swear it."

Laura reaches into the bag, shrinking away from his free roaming hand and retrieving a heaping handful of gummy bears from the bag. And she eats them.

"Eyes on the road Bill."  
"Laura stop that— _stop that._ "

"Swear it."

"But—"

She reaches her hand into the bag again.

"Okay fine, no one will ever know that Laura Roslin pissed in the trees, I swear it! Happy?"

She gives the bag back to him with a triumphant smirk—well, as much of a smirk as she can manage with a mouth full of squishy candy. He looks down at the bag, seeming genuinely concerned at the loss of so many gummy bears.

"Bill, I'll buy you more at the next gas station," she says once her mouth is clear. Bill is silent. "Is this one of those stoic Adama jokes or are you really—eek!"

Laura throws her hands up defensively as Bill begins pelting her with one gummy bear after another.

"Hey—Agh!—Stop it!— _Bill!_ You're making a mess!"

Bill continues to chuck gummy bears at her, so Laura reaches into her travel bag and retrieves a bag of Twizzler minis and starts pelting him with them.

They're a giggling, shrieking mess of a pair by the time they've run out of ammunition, breaths heavy, glasses askew, car a mess.

"Hey, Laura?" Bill says as their laughter finally begins to die.

"Yeah?"

"Guess what's just up ahead."

"Oh my gods, don't tell me."

"It's the city."

" _Motherfrakker_."


	4. Chapter 4

The further from home they get, the colder it becomes. Outside, the houses are separated by long stretches of grass and trees and the ground has become hilly, the sky covered by a massive grey cloud. Snow flurries smack against the windshield, but they melt almost as soon as they stick. Bill steers with his knee as he zips up his jacket, and Laura has wrapped herself in a blanket and is staring out the window, trying but failing to hide a yawn.

"You should get some sleep."

"Are you sure? I don't want to-" She yawns. Bill chuckles.

"Yeah, I'm sure. We'll have to stop for gas soon; I'll wake you up then."

"Okay." Laura sighs.

She climbs over the center console and wraps her arms around his neck, planting a sloppy, tired kiss on his mouth before plopping back in her seat and curling up under the blanket. Bill smiles at her before he has to turn his eyes back to the road.

It doesn't take long for her expression to relax and her breathing to even out, her mouth falling open slightly and the blanket slipping from around her shoulders. Bill adjusts the blanket for her and brushes her hair behind her ear, chuckling as she crinkles her nose.

She looks so different when she sleeps. She seems delicate and at peace, and huggable. Sleeping Laura is always the best to cuddle with.

When she wakes up it will take her a while to open her eyes. She'll stretch and squeak out a tiny moan, and groggily mumble a "good morning" followed by unintelligible murmuring, no matter what time of day it is. If you can catch her like this, she'll have mussed hair and closed eyes, and you can trick her sleepy self into snuggling for a few more minutes, or letting you kiss her into wakefulness. Sleepy Laura is always the most kissable.

But if you don't catch her in time, she'll collapse mid-stretch, roll over and open her eyes, and it'll all be over. As soon as her eyes open, attentive and alert, she'll be awake. On normal days she might sit on you to wake you up, or she might make you coffee, or hop right into the shower, but in the car it's always the same. She'll open her eyes, pull the blankets up to her chin, look at you and smile.

"Hey there, sleepyhead," he'll say, smiling back at her. She'll laugh and crinkle her nose.

"Hello," she'll say, and then she'll look out the window, and grab a snack, and offer to share.

And so Bill simply smiles softly as she sleeps soundly beside him, because he knows just what's in store for him when she wakes.

"Shit!" he curses, swerving to keep from going into a ditch. He glances over at Laura to be sure he hasn't woken her – he hasn't. _Eyes on the road, Bill_ , he thinks, shaking his head. He sneaks another glance at her and then snaps his gaze back to the road. This is going to be a long ride.


	5. Chapter 5

I bET YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS DEAD. It's not (hoorah) but I have decided that it's just a thing I'm going to add to whenever inspiration decides to do its job. So don't expect any sort of regular update. 'kay. Enjoy.

* * *

Structures out here in the almost-middle-of-nowhere are hardly easy on the eyes and look as unreliable as a paper plate on a windy day. Nevertheless, Bill, Laura, and their car are in desperate need of refueling, so the gas station up ahead (seemingly abandoned save the blinking neon "OPEN" sign in the window) will have to work.

"What do we need, again?" Bill asks as he pulls into the dull, cracking square of asphalt serving as a gas station and makeshift parking lot. Laura rummages through her travel bag, pulling out handfuls of wrappers and potato chip bags and empty soda bottles.

"Umm . . . Well all we have left is half a bottle of water and a few joints."

"How many of those did you bring, Laura?" Bill asks, accusingly but somewhat playful.

Laura shrugs. "A dozen."

Bill shakes his head as he pulls up beside a gas station. "I'm not even going to ask where you get these things."

"Yeah I wouldn't if I were you." Laura gets out of the car, imaging the expression on Bill's face and grinning. "Well, I'll go in while you fill the car up. Any requests?"

"Gummy bears. Beer."

Laura laughs. "I love you," she says as she shoulders her purse and heads into the store.

It's much more well lit than she would have thought by looking in from outside the (apparently tinted) windows. But somehow that only makes it creepier. Though the lights are bright and the rows of shelves fully stocked, it looks like nobody's been there in years. A bell above the door announces her presence as she steps fully into the building and begins perusing the shelves. Gummy bears, chips – oh, a box of chocolate chip cookies. Laura cringes at the plethora of heart-attacks-waiting-to-happen piled in her arms, but shrugs off her guilt with a reminder that they can start eating better once they've arrived at the cabin.

After looking around to see if anyone else is there, she sighs and sets her things down on the counter before returning to the back of the store.

A wall of refrigerators lines the back wall, and are stocked with almost whatever sort of drink one could think of. Laura picks up a six pack of beers, waters, and sodas, and then heads back to the counter, eager to get the cold beverages away from her skin.

"Hello?" Laura calls, standing on her tiptoes to see into the back room behind the register. She then rings the antique silver bell sitting by the cash register.

Finally, the owner of the store emerges. He looks rough, to say the least. With droopy, bloodshot eyes, a balding head, a thin frame and dark circles under his eyes, the man immediately gives Laura the impression that he might better suited at a rehabilitation center than a gas station store.

"Can I help you?" he asks , his voice unnaturally raspy and his words slurring together.

"I, um, just need to pay for these."

The man sighs. He looks like he might fall over, but finally manages to lift his arms and start ringing up the items. Laura bites her lips and sighs through her nose, trying not to let her impatience show. She looks out the window as Bill pulls the car into a parking space and gets out.

"Do . . . you . . . come here often?" the man asks, sounding more like a dead man than a living one.

"I, um . . . What?"

The man doesn't speak again, but he's stopped ringing up the items and refuses to break eye contact with her.

"Uh . . . this is your store, isn't it? You'd know if I came here often."

Just then, Bill enters the store, setting off the bell.

"Oh, hey," Laura says, relieved. "I'm almost done, just getting the last few things rung up. Um . . . right?" She looks to the man behind the counter, who's still staring at her and hasn't resumed ringing up the items. Laura crosses her arms in front of her chest and glances at Bill from the corner of her eye.

"Hey." Bill strides to the counter and snaps his fingers in front of the man's face, who slowly looks back at him. "Can you finish up here so we can go?"

The man rolls his eyes but reluctantly gets back to work. Laura can practically see Bill's blood boiling under his skin.

"17.95," the man drawls, a sigh following the words. His eyes are glued to Laura hands as she retrieves the money from her purse and starts grabbing the bags.

"Keep the change," she says, hurrying out of the store and letting Bill grab the beers. When Bill joins her in the car, his face is red and his hands grip the steering wheel too tight.

"Bill, are you okay?"

"I was about to knock his frakking teeth down his throat."

"Bill, he was creepy, but I don't think he was dangerous. He didn't actually do anything."

"He shouldn't have looked at you like that."

"Bill, it's fine –"

"He shouldn't have looked at you like that."

Laura sighs, then leans across the center console and plants a kiss on his cheek. "Come on, let's just go. We still have a long way to drive until we get to the cabin."

When Bill puts the key in the ignition but still shows no sign of cheering up, Laura reaches into one of the bags and says with a smile, "Gummy bears?"

Bill sighs, but she can tell his mood is getting lighter.

"Yes." Bill snatches the bag from her and opens it in seconds. Laura laughs.

"Beer?" Bill sounds hopeful, and adorably so with a mouthful of gummy bears. Laura sighs.

"One. Only on the open road. And not another for at least three hours after."

"Yes."

"Is that all you know how to say?"

"I love you."

Laura hums as she hands him the beer. "I love you too."


End file.
